The Mind is the Source of Happiness and Unhappiness…Buddha

How do I do this? Seriously, HOW the fuck do I do this?

They’re holding your ‘ceremony’ where they’ll sprinkle your ashes in the forest, and then the dysfunctional shitty lot of them, will all get pissed, be ever so dramatic, talk about wonderful, crazy, exciting, witty, daredevil stunts you did, many of which will be untrue, but they’ll all  agree, nod their heads,  exclaiming ‘exactly!; in tandom, no matter what anyone says about you.

Some will cry and sob, and make it all about them, just so that others can put an arm around their shoulders and whisper, ‘oh don’t cry honey, I know it hurts, but she’s in a better place’, and that’ll make the self pitying, self loving, self obsessed person feel so much better. Of course, it’ll become all about who is the most ‘hurt’…how ‘wrong and unfair’ it is that you took your life. So many questions will be asked amoungst them, stupid questions like ‘WHY? she had such a good life!’ or, ‘WHY didn’t she reach out to ME!’ ‘I would’ve helped her! I could’ve stopped her!’ and their pointless self serving bullshit will go on the entire day.

I hear they’re going to be streaming the ‘ceremony’ they’re holding for you, to all who loved you, so that they can be there in real time, albeit over the net. That’s good. I’m happy. There are many people that truly loved you. Your severe mental illness, wouldn’t allow your mind to acknowledge that though. I get that. It’s not your fault.

So my precious Sister. I’m sorry I won’t be at the ‘big’ ceremony. I cannot partake in a party filled with self serving, egotistical, dysfunctional people. As you know, hell, I’m not that functional myself!

I’m sorry I don’t have the guts to join them.

Please understand that I will, with my own family, go to the place where they hold your ceremony the weekend after. To the woods where they’ll scatter your ashes,  with my statue of Buddha firmly under my arm. Incense in hand, loads of candles, that I hope the wind won’t blow out and incense. Lots of incense.

We’ll sit quietly where your ashes are sprinkled. One of us will sing to you. I’ll light all the candles and put flowers all over Buddha. I’ll put your scarf around Buddha, and we’ll sit in a circle holding hands, then as the Gods hold our hands, we’ll peacefully let you go.

I hurt. I pray you have found the freedom now, to really live in Peace.

Your ever loving Sister. I will miss you forever.





Ode to Desperation


It wasn’t so much that I wanted to die

I pleaded and begged for some Peace.

The Gods they just  laughed at me

From them I’d get no release.

‘What should I do?’ I asked my shattered mind

As I panicked with each desperate breath.

The sun no longer shines anymore

The Sun’s been put to death.

‘I try and I try, but I cannot make sense

Of the Storms and the thunder inside

No place to run, no one can hear me

From my burning mind I can’t hide.




War Children

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So there I was, riding on the train, minding my own business,  whenI looked up at the posters they display on trains, from the latest mobile phones, to clothing brands, when an advertisement caught my eye, and startled me; Frightened me, and If I had magic powers, a few ‘important’ people, would be sucking shit from a camels ass for food right now.

The poster of a terrified little girl, behind her, bombs exploding, she’s filthy (obviously), the town they’ve pictured her in, is all but rubble, and she’s alone, made my heart do a hundred somersaults.

child of war

Then, what really put the cherry on the top of this horrific sight, was the advertisement line from the government asking the public for money to ‘help children in war torn Countries’!? huh? Yes, read it again….

So it goes like this; The USA and the UK, launch attacks on various Countries, in the name of greed.  For oil, for poppy seeds, gold and minerals of all kinds. Knowing that these Countries are helpless to fight back, they bomb the shit out of all the cities, not caring that there are  Mothers, pregnant woman, woman giving birth, crippled people, blind people, but mostly small innocent Children, who, whilst playing outside, are hustled quickly into their homes, by terrified Mothers, hearing the jets flying overhead,  and then, in horror see their neighbours houses get blown apart by  missiles.

The noise is deafening, and the Children scream in terror. They don’t yet realise that the friends who lived next door, are blown to pieces, arms and legs scattered around the rubble, but they see that their friends’ home is no more.

They huddle into their Mothers laps, scared stiff by what is happening, not understanding any of it. The noise, the screams, the sirens, and the mayhem promises to destroy these small Children’s lives forever. Those that survive that is.

So let’s see. The Governments of the strong Countries, slaughter the smaller Countries, in the name of greed. Children are left homeless, orphaned, traumatized out of their minds, petrified, at the hands of the offending Governments leaders – and then we, the public, who are totally against any kind of war, knowing it’s all bullshit, lies, smoke and mirrors, are asked to help donate money for these broken, homeless, orphaned, destroyed Children. and of course, we do. We, unlike the unruly indifferent powers that be, care. and boy, do those dipshits bank on our consciences. I mean we didn’t sign up, we didn’t fire a gun, we didn’t knife anyone, we just got on a train to go to a job, so that we can pay for a roof over our head, and BAM! we’re hit the horror of small children in pictures, begging for ‘the killing to stop’.

‘Why?‘ I ask myself. ‘Why is it, that the USA, the UK can joyfully bomb the crap out of anyone they please, but then THEY, the offending parties, do nothing to help the innocent that they’ve destroyed? Why is there not a WAR charity, set up by the very Governments who perpetrate these attacks, to give all the necessary aid to those who they’ve left in their wake of death and destruction,  crawling with legs blown off, little ones screaming for their parents, and those in hospital, who were already fighting for their lives, long having lost the fight. The hospitals are destroyed?

But hey people I forgot!…. there’s profit to be made in war! So, as the fat shit who sits in Office, drinking a swig or two of whiskey, the most expensive kind in the World, puffing on a Havana cigar, because ‘we’ve just won a victory folks! we secured the oil supply from Iran! Problem over!;  – leaving a Country behind filled with broken, shattered, panic stricken people, who have been thrown into a hell they could never have imagined existed. For what? Greed and hatred, he/she and their cohorts, are laughing loudly with a feeling of ‘Victory’, for murdering innocent people. The sickest part of this is, that they don’t even have the courage to carry out these cowardly acts themselves. Instead, they recruit men and women, who live in poor areas, promising them a ‘good career’…(I guess they don’t mention the fact that the ‘good career’ entails killing innocent people, including Children).

Then there’s a man whose family has been killed in one of the senseless attacks on his County and he’s just lost his entire family due to some Western Country blowing them apart, – maybe they were walking too close to the new oil line that is now being installed…?He’s angry and he’s hurting. What can he do to exact revenge for the family he’s lost? He has nothing left to lose, so he gets into a van, and drives innocent Western people over, kills them, then shoots more, until he’s shot dead. Do you think he cares that he knew he’d die? Of course not! He’s got nothing left, not even a home.

The Westerners are appalled at this man’s ‘cowardly’ act, and the media are fed to announce that it’s ‘radicalists, Islamists, terrorists’…doing this. WHO is the real terrorist here?

Now that’s interesting….What was their Country doing, when their soldiers blew the innocent people, who posed no threat to anyone, apart? Who is the bigger coward? and to add insult to injury, the Western countries, who perpetrate these heinous crimes, don’t have any integrity anyway, but they also don’t even have the morality of setting up a fund PAID FOR BY THE GOVERNMENTS WHO PERPETRATE THESE CRIMES for the victims.

This doesn’t make the man who kills people in anger, right. It only sheds light on why he’s doing what he’s doing. And then there are decent citizens of these very same Western Countries, who try and do whatever they can, to stop the madness. In vain sadly.

taxes killing children

What really pisses me off and upsets me no end, is that nothing is different. It’s just abuse and cruelty out in the open. Like 100 years ago, the Colonialists slaughtered, tortured and maimed thousands of African Slaves. They got away with it, and they believed that they were doing what was ‘right’ (in their sick minds). and they used ‘the Bible’ as their excuse! These sicko’s actually went to church every Sunday, holding their pointy noses in the air, singing songs to a God they knew nothing about, but felt very pious about praying to. Then went home to beat the child slave who hadn’t picked enough cotton.

Do you believe the cruelty and violence will ever end?

Even the beautiful, innocent animals are attacked and hunted brutally, to extinction, in the name of money. The Western Man is very clever here. He uses the poor underdog to arrange the poaching of certain animals, so that he can make a fortune from Ivory if that be his choice. The underdog’s family is starving, so he sets the operation up, because the cries of his starving children, drives him to do what the White man tells him to do. For a few measly pence.

Call me a pessimist, but I believe I’m a realist. All the ‘Hollywood’ actors, who show their faces ensuring the press capture their every moment when they visit a poor Country somewhere in Africa, where people are starving, showing them handing out scraps and smiling, whilst forgetting they’re still wearing their Chanel earrings, are an insult to injury. They are nothing more than people who are ego-maniacs.

and not to go on about this, but it’s an issue close to my heart, because I come from Africa, I’ve lived with these people and I know their culture and their thinking, and ANYONE who promises them just £1.00, can make them do anything. Their over-whelming joy and gratitude for a piece of bread, brings tears to my eyes. Who the fuck are these wealthy people, who token adopt these broken Children anyway? What about the others who don’t get adopted??


Do you know, that one ‘star’ (don’t know why they’re called stars, stars are beautiful and don’t call for attention), but anyhow, there’s one ‘star’, who has actually started a campaign amoungst largely uneducated African Children, with the slogan’

Together this generation will put an end to AIDS!.

‘say whhhhaaat?? (no I’m not kidding, and these poor, poverty stricken people believe in this lie. Of course it makes the ‘star’ look ever so important and Godlike. So I guess overnight, whilst studying her lines for her next movie, she’s also undertaking research on how to end AIDS? Holy shit.

Will it end? NO.

So is there anything you can do, we can do?. NO.


Aah we like to believe we’re ‘helping’, when we donate £2.00 to Unicef or some other such organisation, but we’re only doing that to make ourselves ease a conscience we shouldn’t even have to ease. We didn’t start the fire, our ancestors did, and now it’s the current, corrupt, nauseating powers that be have,  due to their vile ego driven self righteousness, greed and hatred, that keep the fires burning, ever hotter.

But I believe in the power of love.

No matter who is killing who, if every single person refused to fight, it would stop.

If every single person stopped harping on about how ‘unfair’ it was to their people 200 years ago, and instead just adopted love, and concentrated on the NOW, they’d wake up to TODAY’S reality. War doesn’t care about colour, age, creed. It’s now also blamed on Religion, like it has been for eons, but that’s just a smoke screen for the real reason.

If every single person, when seeing an elderly lady or gentleman waiting to cross the street, walked up to her and helped her or him.

If every single person, who heard their neighbours baby crying all night, took the trouble to knock on their door and check it out, for the sake of the child, who could be being abused.

If every single person, stopped worrying about how badly WE have it, and rather showered love on others, and held gratitude for what we do have, then, like one candle in the dark, a million can be lit.

It’s simple.


It’s a lie that’s been sold to people who feel they should ‘protect’ their Countries, when really, the real threat lies within their own Countries Borders. sitting in plush offices drinking expensive whiskey, puffing on Havana cigars, while telling rude jokes.






The times they are a-changing….

Back in the 1950’s, 60’s,  life was simpler, more innocent than today.  People were generally happier with less. Women were delighted with a Vacuum cleaner for Christmas,  and they were grateful!  Women took great pride in cleaning their homes, ensured they ‘powdered their noses’ and changed their clothing just before Hubby got home, where he was greeted with a smile, clean house, perfectly polished wife, and an all round, healthy,  home cooked dinner with happy,  well behaved kids.  Children’s hair was neatly cut,  clothing perfectly tucked into their cupboards and all toys were packed away before bath and bedtime. Everything was orderly and innocent, and the feeling of HAPPY pulsated through people’s veins.

sexist vintage illustration housewife and vacuum cleaner

Roll on the ’60’s!  Liberation! it’s all Rock n’ Roll, free sex, Peace, Anti-war, and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds! Vacuum Cleaner? What’s THAT?  Woodstock, Dylan, Cohen and who could forget the FAB Janis Joplin? People were less inhibited. The word ‘terrorism’ didn’t exist, unless a teenager pulled a prank on an elderly person, in which case, he’d be called a ‘terror’, but that was IT. The Vietnam war caused untold misery and destruction  ( to the men who were either conscripted or who volunteered not knowing any better, not to mention the poor Vietnamese!) and so the Peace lovers protested – peacefully, sometimes with humour.

Image result for pics of hippies in the 1960's Image result for pics of hippies in the 1960's  Janice Joplin:   Police protected themselves with shields from angry mobs, who were sincerely only on a campaign for Peace, with their head-bands on, placards in hand, calling for an end to the war in Vietnam. Posing no threat to anyone.

The world was more fun, less invasive on one’s privacy, innocence was the mind-set of most,  as they wondered around festivals naked, smoked pot, danced the nights away to the vibes of Bob Dylan,  for it was luuurve all the way…..’MAKE LOVE – NOT WAR’ was the slogan and motto!

Children pulled innocent pranks on each other, sometimes had a fight in the playground where no one interfered, and when the fight was over, they shook hands and often went on to become friends. It went no further….. Parents weren’t held to ransom over smacking their Children when it was needed, so as to teach them right from wrong.

Then….roll on fast forward to 2000 and onward and here we have….

A 1960’s school teacher called Mary. She gives her young student Jimmy, an innocent cuddle when he falls and scrapes his knee ending up in tears. He feels better, gets up and carries on playing.

A 2015 school teacher called Mary. She gives her young student Jimmy, an innocent cuddle when he falls and scrapes his knee. Instantly the police are called in. She’s arrested for Child Molestation, Jimmy is taken for counselling and he’s then put on Ritalin.

A 1960’s school child doesn’t do his homework and is given detention. After school, he sits his one hour detention, writing the same words on a piece of paper 100 times ‘I will do my homework’…’I will do my homework’…and then he hands his piece of paper to the attending teacher, who smiles at him as he happily goes and jumps on his bicycle to go home. When his Father gets home and hears the news of this, he is slightly angry , and gives him a spanking. The child learns that there are consequences to his actions, and never forgets to do his homework again. He goes on to Harvard and Graduates Cum Laude.

A 2015 school child doesn’t do his homework, and is given detention to which he fails to attend. When asked by his teacher why he didn’t attend detention, he glares at her and yells –  ‘you can’t tell me what to do!’  He then catches a ride with some friends in their beat up old car, smokes a spliff on the way home and then skulks to his bedroom. When his Father gets home and hears of this, he is slightly angry and gives him a light smack on the head.  The Child then calls ‘Child-line’. The FBI are called, Father is arrested for ‘aggravated assault on a minor’, Social Services are called in. They put the Child in a Foster Home. He goes on to mowing lawns and stealing for a living.

In 1960, this cute advertisement encouraging Children to play outside,  is popular and seen with innocent eyes by the public. Encouraging kids to play on the beach albeit with only the bottom of her costume on.

Coppertone suntan lotion ad from the early 1960s.:

In 2000 and onward, this advertisement is seen as Pedophilia, ‘filth’.   Furthermore, should an artist be commissioned to draw an innocent picture of a half-naked newborn lying on his/her Daddy’s chest for his/her Parents, the artist is instantly jailed for 25 years for ‘Pedophilia’, and their baby is taken away due to them being seen as ‘unfit’ Parents.

Paranoia and Fear is now the order of the day. Disciplining Children is absolutely not allowed in any form or fashion. If Children fight in the playgrounds, Social Services are called, the kids are sent for counselling, their Parents are told to attend ‘Child care  Classes’, and the kids are put on Ritalin. It is after all, a ‘mental illness’ to have a fight with someone these days isn’t it? Even if you are only a Child.

There is not only one illegal war being waged upon a foreign Country by the Super Powers, but many, upon innocent people in the name of greed, money and power. The media are fed the appropriate stories to publish, so as to appease the public, (who never question their validity) but then react with instant hatred for possibly really good people. Fear and hatred for strangers is now born.

Protesters get beaten half to death by Police,  no matter that they are unarmed. Should anyone dare take just their tops off at a festival, alarms go off, Police are immediately called in, the people are arrested for ‘indecent exposure’ and jailed. If they don’t have the money for bail, well, that’s just too bad. They do the time!

The horror grows more evil with every passing day, every passing minute. Mothers fear for their Daughters as Fathers are overworked and underpaid. Children don’t play in the playgrounds anymore as TV games and TV shows keep them inside glued to a screen. As ‘friends’ on cyberspace take over in place of  personal visits to one another, the days of tea and cake are all but gone. Children scream at their Parents, Divorce rates are through the roof, mistresses are common, even seen as ‘the norm’. Decent Parenting is not allowed, hence teenage pregnancies and street drugs are rife, leaving Grandma to raise the unwanted ones. The not so lucky bury their offspring from accidental overdoses.

Drugs are taken in copious amounts to numb the pain, mental illness is on the rise, addiction to anything and everything is seen as normal as human Beings try to cope in a broken world.  Values have long since been buried, Morals unheard of, and innocence?

( oh, I remember reading about what that word means in the dictionary once). 

How I long for a simple Vacuum Cleaner for Christmas!

*written by Deborah Mann*