2 days ago, my beloved Sister finally passed away, after battling to survive cancer for 2 years. She was 61 years of age, and before they found cancer in her breast, which signaled the beginning of the end, she was fit, healthy and strong. I loved her with all of my Being, but never got to her before she passed.
She had dedicated her entire life to ‘The Lord’. She worshiped a God that she had unwavering faith and trust in, and whom she loved with her heart and Soul. She used to go into the areas where people who are displaced lived in poverty, and make jams for them, not being able to give them money, as part of her belief, following the Bible’s talk, was to live ‘simply’. Like there was some glory in serving ‘God’ in poverty.
She dressed so modestly, she never ever even wore a pair of jeans. Only skirts or dresses. You get the picture. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She never gossiped about anyone, always tried to help whomever needed help, loved everyone, no matter where they came from, and loved life. She had 5 loving kids, who all adore her, and she was an incredibly loving Mother and Grandmother.
She desperately didn’t want to die. She kept crying ‘please Jesus, make this stop’, as the pain, despite the morphine, cannabis and every other concoction she could take, including chemo over and over again, (after living a totally drug and alcohol free life, also never even smoked) – yet the cancer invaded her lungs, making her unable to breathe without an oxygen machine 24/7, but no ‘person’, no one, ever made it stop. She lived in unutterable agony, to her very last breath, always believing that she’d ‘beat it’, because, ‘God is good’, she’d text.
When she had the strength, she sent positive messages to the hundreds who loved her, saying ‘God is good. God will heal me’. She clung onto life to her last breath, and died in a most horrific way. Her liver closed down overnight, and the next day, she was unable to speak, guttural sounds came from her throat, and her family were helpless, but to wait and watch until she breathed her last breath out in agony.
Then, I have a friend whose mentally ill. She’s been trying to commit suicide for years, to no avail. It’s not funny, but almost become a joke, as she tells me of her latest ‘plan’ to exit, finding the fact that every attempt she makes fails dismally, funny.
I just listen, respecting that it’s her life and that she’s batshit crazy, but in a kind, loving way, not mean, and that’s all I do. I respect her choices, because i have to, and I should. I believe we must respect others wishes. Besides, living with a severe mental illness, carries it’s own awful pain, which is why so many people who suffer with mental illness do, in fact manage to commit suicide. They are not selfish, they just want the ongoing pain to end. I can absolutely relate to, and understand this.
Point is this..she worships nothing. She eats whatever she likes, she smokes, she drinks when she wants a glass of wine or 2 (she’s not an alcoholic), she drinks it. She’s taken every psychedelic drug we know of, she’s tripped out of her tree on drugs, she’s tried to overdose 3 times, but never died, only ending up in I.C.U., she’s cut the crap out of her wrists, trying to die that way, it didn’t work, she’s jumped in front of buses, who’ve somehow managed to not drive her over, she’s jumped out of windows, only to end up with a broken leg and arm…and she’s never done any exercise, and so many other attempts, I won’t even mention them. She even bought a book on ‘how to end it’, or it’s called ‘how to exit’ or something like that. All the while, she laughs at how nothing will kill her, yet behind that laugh, is not a desperate wish to live, it’s a desperate wish to die.
So her latest ‘plan’ she tells me, is to wait for winter to hit the U.K. then she’ll go into the snow, get drunk and let hypothermia take her. Apparently you just fall asleep and that’s it. ( I’m not doling out suicide tips, I’m telling you an honest story).
Anyhow, I just responded, that it would be seriously sad, if someone found her before she died, and her brain had gotten damaged, and once again, she’d have alluded death, but could be in a kind of brain damaged state. That was just a thought of mine which I shared with her.
So you tell me…
What is life, and HOW or IS there some kind of good, right way to live it?
I totally think NOT! If I look at the contrast of these two Beings, which is a massive contrast, a few things are plain as can be to me;
It makes no difference what you eat, drink, smoke, do or don’t do while you’re alive, as long as whatever you partake in, doesn’t make you feel sick. Because that’s plain nasty, and then you suffer. No, we don’t do suffering I believe.
I believe that while we’re alive, we should truly LIVE, not just exist, because death is coming for all of us, but we definitely do NOT have a choice as to when it’ll take us. Some people who don’t want to die, trip on a pavement, bash their heads on the sidewalk and die of an aneurysm. There simply is not any ‘right’ way to live, to prolong your life, or make you ‘healthy’ ad nauseum…
To cling to life, is to lose it. We can always have hope, and if believing in an outside God is comforting for the believer, then that’s wonderful, but I personally do not believe in an ‘out there’ God, like some object. How can we, as mere humans ever understand, with our limited thinking, what the bigger picture is?
The Native American Indians believe that we are all connected in Spirit, as a life force, to one another. That includes the animals, the trees, the water and the rocks. Everything on our planet is connected. To me, that makes more sense, in my limited human way of thinking.
In my search for meaning, when first diagnosed with mental illness/s, I found a Guru. Ok, many people find just that word weird, bullshit even. But here’s the thing…
Learning about the Eastern beliefs (not religions), and how they perceive life to be, which is largely the same as most indigenous people World over; set me free to discover WHO I am. Meaning, I’m not this human person, and neither is anyone else. I’m consciousness, or Spirit if you like, having a human experience. The Christians believe in the Soul that never dies, well so do the Eastern and Indigenous people. They just see it in a different way. The premise is the same, but the perception totally different. Excepting the worshiping an object we call ‘God’.
To me, it ‘fits’, that we ought to live our lives that we’ve chosen to live here, to the absolute max. To enjoy the Planet – or what’s left of it – to the max. To celebrate life, and yet, be patient in an absolute knowing that death will come for this body we inhabit, when it wants to! That’s ok, if you’re not begging and pleading and clinging to life, for some outside God to ‘help’ you. In fact, it’s better to just surrender to death, as best as you can, when it comes knocking; because if it’s your time, that’s it. You do not have a say in the matter. Ever.
I believe we return to Consciousness as the Spirit Beings we are when the body dies, and hopefully, we’ve made the best of our earthly life. For there is much joy and beauty here on Earth, we have to go and grab it, without excuses.
Love and care for your Children as best as you can, because the love you show and give freely allows them to LIVE. Love others as best as you can, if they’re not toxic to you. If they are, walk quietly away, and don’t engage in argument, because all argument does, is waste your precious time fighting with people. Every moment you fight with someone, you’ve killed a good moment in a horrible way. Mostly, go and live your life to the full. Do whatever your Spirit calls you to do, as long as you don’t harm others. If you feel a call to go to the Himalayas, go! Stop finding ‘reasons’ why you ‘can’t’, and find every reason why you ‘can’ and WILL.
The money I almost spent on flying out to see my dying Sister, which I was too late to do, I’ve rather spent on LIFE. I’ve just bought 2 tickets to Spain with my family, to spend 5 days in a house on the beach. No matter the ‘cost’ in terms of money, I do not give a stuff. I care about being with my precious children – and Grandchild – and having 5 glorious days of love, laughter and drinking in the beauty of the place we are going to. I will LIVE, whilst I am alive.
To demonstrate further on what I firmly believe in, and to which I’ve explained to you, please enjoy this awesome TEDX talk by a brain scientist who studied herself having a stroke. She woke up to Nirvana, the Truth, and one cannot argue with what she found. At least, I cannot and do not.