The Mind is the Source of Happiness and Unhappiness…Buddha

How do I do this? Seriously, HOW the fuck do I do this?

They’re holding your ‘ceremony’ where they’ll sprinkle your ashes in the forest, and then the dysfunctional shitty lot of them, will all get pissed, be ever so dramatic, talk about wonderful, crazy, exciting, witty, daredevil stunts you did, many of which will be untrue, but they’ll allΒ  agree, nod their heads,Β  exclaiming ‘exactly!; in tandom, no matter what anyone says about you.

Some will cry and sob, and make it all about them, just so that others can put an arm around their shoulders and whisper, ‘oh don’t cry honey, I know it hurts, but she’s in a better place’, and that’ll make the self pitying, self loving, self obsessed person feel so much better. Of course, it’ll become all about who is the most ‘hurt’…how ‘wrong and unfair’ it is that you took your life. So many questions will be asked amoungst them, stupid questions like ‘WHY? she had such a good life!’ or, ‘WHY didn’t she reach out to ME!’ ‘I would’ve helped her! I could’ve stopped her!’ and their pointless self serving bullshit will go on the entire day.

I hear they’re going to be streaming the ‘ceremony’ they’re holding for you, to all who loved you, so that they can be there in real time, albeit over the net. That’s good. I’m happy. There are many people that truly loved you. Your severe mental illness, wouldn’t allow your mind to acknowledge that though. I get that. It’s not your fault.

So my precious Sister. I’m sorry I won’t be at the ‘big’ ceremony. I cannot partake in a party filled with self serving, egotistical, dysfunctional people. As you know, hell, I’m not that functional myself!

I’m sorry I don’t have the guts to join them.

Please understand that I will, with my own family, go to the place where they hold your ceremony the weekend after. To the woods where they’ll scatter your ashes,Β  with my statue of Buddha firmly under my arm. Incense in hand, loads of candles, that I hope the wind won’t blow out and incense. Lots of incense.

We’ll sit quietly where your ashes are sprinkled. One of us will sing to you. I’ll light all the candles and put flowers all over Buddha. I’ll put your scarf around Buddha, and we’ll sit in a circle holding hands, then as the Gods hold our hands, we’ll peacefully let you go.

I hurt. I pray you have found the freedom now, to really live in Peace.

Your ever loving Sister. I will miss you forever.





Great idea at the time…

Have you ever had to attend an event that you really really don’t want to attend? I mean, you don’t know half the people, and you’re not even vaguely interested in what they gossip about. You don’t ‘wear the same fashion’, coz to you, clothes are something to cover the body with, and if they have some colour, well that’s nice.

IF you want to rock out, and pretend you own Chanel or Stella McCartney numbers, there are ways to do this…beware though! Apparently it’s illegal…like all fun things are.

Okay, so I had to go to this event. OMG, panic hit me so hard in the guts I almost puked just thinking about it. I don’t DO people very well. But I couldn’t get out of this one, so I had to come up with a ‘plan’….

I thought I was a genius when I decided that I’d download really cool tunes onto my phone, then, I’d wear jeans and shirt with a collar to the event. Then I’d stick my phone in my pocket, take the earphones up, underneath my shirt, so no one could see them, and as my hair is long, they wouldn’t see that I had the earphones in my ears, rocking to good shit, while they all gossiped about crap. I reckoned if I just occasionally looked up and nodded and kind of smiled, and put a look of interest on my face, then kinda laughed when a saw them all laughing, I’d be super cool with this! They’d never know right?

WRONG! – when I passed my brilliant genius plan along to my friend, she frantically emailed back with a NO NO NO!! Why? well, yeah, my plan is genius alright, but…… she wrote ‘If one of them comes to you to talk, and you just nod and smile, they’re gonna think you’re just plain stupid, and tell everyone else. Then, when you see them laughing, they’re probs laughing at you! The stupid one, who lamely nods and giggles at the wrong time all the time. In fact, you’d become the party prop!

Hysterically, I cancelled my plan, and decided I’d have to just pretend, something I often have to do. BUT…I don’t DO people!! (I heard the voices cry)….

So I canned the plan, stuck my jeans and shirt on, and tried very hard to be quiet. Unfortunately, my Bipolar then waged it’s spiteful war on my brain, and I, instead of being quiet, had to be asked to be quiet, coz I wouldn’t shut the f….k up! Of course I thought I was funny, clever even….sadly, I still ended up the ‘stupid party prop’!

Next time, I’ll take lots of twitchies, so that I’m just quiet and dribble on my shoes, OR, feign a serious mind blowing headache and simply not go. Which is what I should’ve done in the first place! duh!

cartoon characters

The Colour of NOW!


it had to happen. It’s gone beyond pathetic and ridiculous. Emoticons are P.C. But still racist. If they, the ones that invented them, had not tried so hard to be Politically Correct, they’d have noticed how stupid they really are.

point in fact: the above emoticons range from the colour yellow to a deep black. Now, firstly, no one on the planet is yellow, unless suffering liver failure. So keeping things ‘neutral ‘ yellow works fine for emoticons, as no one could get offended by this colour being chosen for emoticons right? WRONG!

nooo, the smarties decided that the ‘finger and hands ‘ and other body part emoticons had to have a range of colours, because of course we cannot leave people of colour out can we? So for people of colour, you have various shades of brown to choose from, when giving someone the ‘finger’

If you’re from deep dark Africa, there’s a beaut of a dark black hand or, if you feel you’d like to be a shade lighter, there are quite a few shades of brown to choose from. It’s just wonderful how the inventors of emoticons have really ensured that they cannot be accused of racism, because they’ve given all people of colour, a fantastic variety or shade of preferred colour to choose from. WELL DONE to them. Actually….

why don’t we have WHITE emoticons? Yellow is a very fair and neutral colour, so really, who could be offended by not having THEIR colour available to choose from? Well it seems that the clever dudes up in emoticon Ville, decided to cover their asses, just to ensure no one of colour ever accuses them of racism, a word and thought that has taken stupid to a new level. I don’t see any concern here for WHITE people? What about making emoticons that look Japanese? Or Chinese? Eskimo perhaps? Aren’t these cultures deeply wounded that THEIR looks haven’t been included? Get real!

You see, White or Caucasian people, don’t seem offended by their colour not being offered for emoticons, so emoticon ville, felt safe to only ensure people of colour have a choice as to what colour emoticon they’d choose when using them. As I said, STUPID has taken on a new level of absurdity!

To get real, the fact is that we are all PEOPLE. Colour means nothing. If I, as a White woman, (oops hope I’m not offending anyone), needs a kidney transplant, then if someone of colour had my blood type and was a match for me, their kidney could be transplanted into my lily white body without a problem. Oh wait…..can this be right? What if someone of colour needed a kidney from a White person? Would the recipient accept? Or rather wait till it’s too late for a kidney, as no one of colours kidney has been found to be a match? You know, racist rules! Even to the death! ✊🏾Oh hold on…when looking for another hand to add on here, there’s a few gorgeous shades of brown to choose from….let me see…oh I know! I’m White, but will pretend I have a lovely tan sans freckles for my next emoticon. What fun! πŸ‘ƒπŸΌHa I chose a tanned nose. How cool, how fair how fucking stupid!

We are human (sometimes) and the constant colour issues are totally ridiculous. I will happily accept a person of colours kidney if I needed one, even if it meant, that I turned a shade darker, which would so be to my advantage!

In emoticon ville. πŸ€˜πŸ‘πŸ€žπŸ½β˜πŸΏπŸ‘£πŸ™„ actually perhaps in real life too!

have a lovely day…here comes a red heart, coz no one, unless they have only one brain cell can argue the colour of the heart ❀️.


Do you know how awesome you are?

Hi Folks

How do you feel about yourself?

Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Because I want to tell you that you are AWESOME! Just as you are.

Fat, thin, obese, ugly, pretty, clever, stupid, ad nauseum, – what do these ‘labels’ mean? Well actually, they are ‘opinions’ and ‘opinions’ are not the truth. It’s best not to have any opinions, because all that does, is make you or whoever has the opinion seem very egotistic. Basically, opinions are not truth.

If you are unhappy with your body, your face, your job, your relationship or whatever else that could be un-nerving you, change it.

You are powerful beyond measure.

Do not let others’ opinions have any effect on how you feel about yourself. What do they know?

‘So’ you might ask me, ‘how do I change my face that is, in my opinion, ugly??’ My answer, to you is ‘that is your opinion, not truth’. The best you can do, is love your face, yes, LOVE it. Everyday when you look in the mirror, if your face is not what you think it should be or look like, tell your face that you ‘love you’. Tell your body that you love it, and if you feel you need to go on a diet, do it, but if you have a medical condition and your meds have added weight to you, do not worry. Love your body anyway.

You are AWESOME! Just as you are.

If you hate your job, change it. Life should be happy, always. If you are in a toxic relationship, end it. There are many others who will love you, exactly for what you look like and WHO you are.

Believe in yourself. Don’t let others unworthy uneducated ‘opinions’ stop you, or hold you back. Go for your dream, for it’s the things you

don’t do you will regret most, not what you do do. Β  And, always be grateful!

A short story:

When I went for gold and started ‘Traderoutz livingstyle’, I was so nervous.

yes, nervous because of a mental illness I have called ‘bipolar’. I was made to believe by everyone and anyone that due to my illness, I shouldn’t even try. I’d fail. Well, I ignored the ‘naysayers’, and went ahead anyway.

What did I have to lose? Money? ok, but did it matter? NO! time to stop learning and think outside the box! So I did what made me happy, regardless, and 4 years later, Traderoutz Livingstyle, is still going. Sure I have days when I struggle, but I do not let that stop me. So, if I could raise a business from nothing to something with a mental illness,

what is stopping you from following your dreams?

Till next time

Love Deborah x

please click on the above link to ‘Traderoutz LivingStye’ store and browse the gorgeous things from all over the world, that I’ve purchased and travelled for.

Please ‘like’ us on Facebook, and keep up to date with what we are doing.

At the moment, we have some awesome sales going on, so take advantage if you like.


Full Moons & Wild Pussycats

Hello Folks

It’s another full moon, and we all know what that means….the ladies get together with bottles of vino, cheese and other nibbles, for no reason other than to gossip!! Mostly about each other, but they do it in such a way, that who ever is being gossiped about, hasn’t a clue it’s her.

After a lot of catching up with each other, it was ‘down to business’. Who’s been doing who? Who’s the new lady at the nail Salon (such a bitch), and anyone getting divorced, having an affair, Husbands misbehaving? Oh, the girls have to know it all!

Then someone gave ‘ol Sally a fresh glass of vino with a fake smile, just to ensure she didn’t suspect that the current ‘OMG!’ gossip was about her Husband Tom who wears holy underpants, because he’s such a penny pincher he refuses to purchase new ones, and Sally, angry and disgusted, won’t stitch the holy ones! How do we know this?

Well, Phyllis went to visit Sally one morning, just as she was hanging out the washing, only to see Tom’s holy underpants. Of course she asked about them, and Sally told her the whole story. She didn’t think Phyllis would tell on! We are talking about a fickle crowd here, not unlike all ‘girls nights get togethers’.’sssshhhh Phyllis!!!’ oh dear, too late, Sally has overheard. ‘Give her more wine, all our men wear crappy underwear’ shouted Linda.

Oh boy, the girls were screeching with laughter, wine flowing freely, when suddenly, at the stage when everyone was 10 sheets to the wind, Annie decided to tell the group that she was having an affair.

Ah Oh! The screeching came to a halt, all heads cocked in the direction of Annie, eyebrows crossed dying Β to know more! ‘Who is he? how long has this been going on? why? was the sex good?’ and so on…..Annie gave a nervous cough, and said, ‘Girls, it might surprise you all to know, that I have a toy boy, and Peter doesn’t suspect a thing!’

‘OMG’ said tiny Terri. ‘How? who is he? where’d you find him? tell all!!’ Annie felt quite proud of herself for bagging a handsome young fella 15 years her junior, but when she told the girls that he was the local grocers Son, they all collapsed! ‘hahahahaha is that it? the freaken grocers son? get serious! does he stink like broccoli? they aren’t very clean I hear are they?’ and the comments continued in-between shrieks of laughter, where there was a teeny bit of jealousy before.

Well, that did it. Β Annie got up in a huff, held her head up high, straightened her skirt and left, but not before she turned around with a smirk and said ‘girls, a grocers Son works with all sorts of textures, hard as well as soft things all day. Carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, tomatoes and so much more, all that, and don’t you know that food, when prepared by expert hands, is a marvellous aphrodisiac? oh well, I shall leave this much to your basic imaginations’………The room went quiet, everyone looked puzzled, and tiny Terri couldn’t take her eyes off of a spot on the carpet…………..’more wine anyone??’


(more to follow – part of my new book entitled ‘Full Moons & Wild Pussycats’