Manifesting thieves.

Many adverts promising lies are thrown at us daily. You cannot open a single piece (if that’s the word) on social media, without some bullshit being peddled.

lets begin with the spam phone calls. No, I don’t feel sorry for the twit who’s taken a job, that he/she knows entails lying to people all day everyday. You’ve  installed the app that stops these calls, but these crooks are super smart, and by the time the app is installed, they’ve opened a new gateway.  You should know by now, that after you say “hello”, and you’re greeted with silence, (coz they’re trying to bypass app and plug in), it’s spam. Put the phone down. But we don’t. “I’ve got the app” you think, and feel safe. Maybe it’s old Aunty Mildred from Australia calling. But no…

A woman or man, normally a woman with the most efficient voice says “good day, is this x,y,z that I’m speaking to.” You answer “yes”, and OFF she goes, like a dog with a bone, rabbiting on about ‘an accident you had, which you’re owed compensation for’.

Slightly irritated, you put the phone down, not bothering to entertain her nonsense, and sometimes you yell a healthy F. OFF! Depending on your mood.

I scratch my head wondering…

How is it possible, for people to phone other people, knowing they’re talking absolute b.s. and feel nothing? She knows, before she puts the telepromt on, to read the lie to you, that she’s nothing but a low down pathetic liar. She or He, is aware that their job is to lie to people, and they’re okay with this! Like politicians and lawyers.

The worst however, is the “MANIFEST” lie. The thousands of adverts that cover our screens, promising soooo many ways to “manifest” dream jobs, partners, homes, ad nauseum…but the most revolting of this lie, is the promise of manifesting millions.

Why?  …

Because there truly are people, desperate people, who’ll spend their last dime signing up to some bogus site that promises to ensure the manifestation of their dreams, mostly money, (which doesn’t happen) , leaving such people feeling like losers (besides broke and depressed).

All confidence in Self is removed when the millions don’t manifest, leaving the desperate person feeling like a total failure and fool, and completely out of pocket. Of course, they’re blamed by the bogus thieves, who’ve taken their money, if they question why the manifesting didn’t come to fruition!

Lets put the bullshit into perspective;

The man or woman who presents The motivational video, that lures the unsuspecting viewer  is only an actor, filmed in hired locations, or studios, and you’ve swallowed it all, putting all of your energy, money and effort in, innocently believing and excitedly expecting!

If one uses just 1 brain cell, and if one had zero conscience, then that one would be the one hiring models and actors, hooking up websites with pictures of glory that’ll blow the unsuspecting persons mind, and that one would be rubbing their palms in delight, as the poor ba..ards give all their money, hoping to purchase heaven, only to land in hell.

 

 

 

Ode to Desperation

desperation

It wasn’t so much that I wanted to die

I pleaded and begged for some Peace.

The Gods they just  laughed at me

From them I’d get no release.

‘What should I do?’ I asked my shattered mind

As I panicked with each desperate breath.

The sun no longer shines anymore

The Sun’s been put to death.

‘I try and I try, but I cannot make sense

Of the Storms and the thunder inside

No place to run, no one can hear me

From my burning mind I can’t hide.

 

 

 

They Shoot Horses don’t they?

grief statue

 

I lost another Sister to mental illness last week. She took her life, after living for years in hell with a mind that was fucked, and refused to function.

YET, she did 12 years research on ‘the mind’ when she was diagnosed, determined to ‘fix’ her mind. but you see, the demon that is mental illness, won. No matter that she built a hugely successful career, is a published writer ( on how to deal with your mind, or actually, more accurately, how to master your mind), which is now used by therapists in their practices,  ironically,  didn’t work.

She was a Master trainer in hypnotherapy, NLP, and so many other things I dont even remember, and she was a true genius. She was an incredible self taught musician, poet, writer, leather maker, artist, singer. Impossible, that someone can be so talented, and yet, never properly educated thanks to an upbringing of poverty be such an amazing high achiever.

But there she was all of it. Still, the demon called mental illness WILL win every time. She even had a doctorate. If you google her name, she is referred to as Dr. Terri Ann Laws.

whaaat? you say? How does someone who is THAT intelligent, talented and entrepreneurial especially about learning everything there is to know, determined and desperate to fix and heal and take control of their broken minds, end up being a victim to this cruel evil condition?

Simple. Mental illness doesn’t give a shit about what colour you are, where you come from, how smart you are, how rich or poor you are, what clothes you wear, how educated you are, how hard you try to defeat it, it seems to laugh at every  positive affirmation you repeat over and over again, believing that these ‘positive affirmations’ will somehow programme your sick mind to be ‘well’. Not possible. A sick mind, stays sick. It’s just the depths that vary.

My heart is shattered obviously. I loved her. She taught me so much. She was funny, charming, witty, clever, had enormous intellect and a sense of humour that was so good it was wicked. This didn’t have to happen, but then I ask myself;

‘Would it have been worth continuing to live in torment, mental hell, for the rest of your life, continuously stuffing up with people, changing personalities, out of your control, forgetting your friends, saying terrible things to people that you don’t even remember saying….and believing shit that doesn’t exist, all the while tormented by the demons in your head’?

‘ Or would it not be better, that you let death take you. Free you from the horror that is more real than anyone will, or can believe, and finally, finally, be at Peace?’

HOW did she manage to accomplish what she did? We could ask the same about Einstein, also apparently insane.

Suicide is completely understandable and actually takes a shit load of courage to actually carry it out successfully. I understand why she took her life. But I cannot let her go. It’s selfish to feel this way, because it’s not a death we should mourn, but rather celebrate a Spirit’s new life. She is gone. Only her shell is left, waiting to be cremated.

Astonishingly, this is a poem from her book called ‘Help! I’m going crazy! which she wrote many many years ago, when convinced she was conquering the demons in her head, and would beat them.  What made her write this poem,  is simply alarming to me; It seems there’s always truth in what we project, even if we’re doing it poetically.

help im going crazy

Terri (1)

Fly free little bird. May the demons no longer haunt you.

I miss you deeply.

In loving memory of Dr. Terri Ann Laws,

another victim to the disease we call ‘mental illness’.

 

 

Abuse

When we talk about abuse, there are many various ways people see abuse, or feel about abuse.

Some people feel that if the shop owner shouts at them for reading a magazine without paying for it, that is abuse.

Other people feel that if their Spouse comes home and moans about the dinner, that is abuse.

And yet another person who’s partner slaps them around the face when he or she is angry, feels that is abuse.

Can we call the above actions abusive?

Yes of course we can. But as adults, we’re able to process what is being hurled at us, and deal with it appropriately.

A child however, when neglected; or sexually abused; physically abused; mentally abused or emotionally abused;  doesn’t see or know that they’re being abused. They normally internalize the horrific abuse they are suffering, and blame themselves for doing something ‘wrong’.

They try hard to find out what they’re doing wrong, because in their innocent minds, they believe that they must be doing something wrong to be so hurt in so many ways all the time, or frequently, mostly by people who are supposed to love them. People they trust and look up to. So something like the following happens;

‘I must be quieter, if I don’t talk or laugh then I’m a good girl/boy , then they’ll love me’….so the child loses his or her voice.

‘If I hide away all day, in the bushes, or in the park, then they won’t see me and I’ll be safe for a while and I won’t make them angry’….so the child becomes invisible. Losing Self at the same time.

‘If I make tea all day and cook dinner, even though the stove is a bit high up for me, they’ll see what a good hard working boy/girl I am, and then they’ll love me’….so the child becomes a slave in his or her home..growing up to believe that to be loved is to work as hard as one can no matter what the work is.

There are a gazillion examples of how small children who are being abused think and feel, but always, always they try their best to ‘fix’ it. Never does the abused child believe that their parents, siblings, Uncles, Aunts or anyone else that they love, does these things to them, because they’re HORRIBLE, EVIL people who should be shot.

Never does the abused child seek help, because he or she believes they’re naughty and deserve the punishment. It doesn’t occur to an innocent child, that they can seek help; and what is being done to them, is evil and deeply despicable in it’s worst form.

One of the WORST outcomes of childhood abuse, (apart from death), is the child consenting to the abuse, believing that is love.  The fact that whatever the abuse is, is hurting them and causing massive damage and harm to them physically, emotionally and mentally, does not enter their minds. They learn to accept it, believing that this is what love is…..so the child grows up moving from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, never able to settle down with a healthy relationship, because they’ve grown up with abuse. The abused child – now adult, recognises abuse as love. If they’re not being abused, they may feel unloved, because actual love, the reality of love, is foreign to them. Like a language they don’t understand.

The other HORROR that comes from such abuse in a small child’s life, is mental illness. Not only are they scarred from years of abuse in one form or another or many at the same time, but they’re then stuck with a broken brain, that won’t function normally, suffer deep depressions, and very often end up killing themselves and/or self harming. Not due to the abuse strangely enough, but due to the resultant mental illness the abuse has caused.

This reality brought me to thinking about what is happening to the Children stuck in war zones around the World. Starving Children, who get slapped or punched if they don’t stop crying from hunger, or ignored, or put out to prostitution from as young as 8 years old.

Children lying next to their dead Mother’s or Father’s, with blood gushing out their Parent’s head, desperately trying to wake their Mother or Father up. Not understanding what is going on, and terrified.

Children who are so traumatised at the sight of their entire families being blown up, they too, lose their voices, and if they do ever manage to speak again,  they usually stutter or suffer other speech impediments….and definitely suffer a mental illness.

I won’t go on. It’s way too distressing, but to say that if you are a victim of Child abuse in any form or fashion, whether you suffer a mental illness because of it or not. Take your power back! Tell yourself it never was your fault. Forgive yourself. Sounds crazy, but you carry guilt only due to the fact that you could never process what was happening to you in the right way, so forgive yourself.

I always advise people who write to me as I’m a mental health advocate; to write it all down. Be brave. Be courageous. Write everything you endured down and then read it. Read it again. Accept it, because you cannot change it. Then burn the paper you’ve written it on. Every time a memory crops up, immediately drop it. Don’t dwell on it.

The past is over. It no longer exists. You cannot bring one moment of the past into your present. Good or bad. So let it go. Drop it. Everytime a thought about whomever it was that hurt you comes into your head, drop the thought immediately.

No matter how bitter, broken, hurt, angry, disappointed, or wishful we are about a horrendous Childhood;  won’t change it, or make it better. Nothing will candy coat the sickening truth. So acceptance (not forgiving or writing to that person, or even thinking of them) is necessary, for healing.

Not accepting what or who they are, but accepting that the past happened. It’s done. No amount of therapy will make it pretty.

Basically, you can’t unfuck a fuck, but you can choose to drop it.

Past and future are in the mind only — I am now.

– Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj