‘Oh, does it hurt? I forgot to ask!’

A man resting on a chair

 

The story of Cinderella is a brilliant example, albeit a sad one, of how people ignore as well as shy away from raw reality.

When one reads or even thinks of the fairytale of a beautiful young lady, (Cinderella in this instance) – who finds her charming Prince, living in an ostentatious castle, (but it’s beautiful right?)  dressed in the finest garb, hair perfectly styled, absolutely she’s blonde (what else?), beaming with joy. That is what they love, and that is what they perceive. Only.

Let’s take the story of Cinderella;

Of course it’s only a fairytale, but if we’re to ‘enjoy’ the finer bits, the ‘feel good’ pieces of the story, then we should embrace the entire story.

The fact that Cinderella scrubbed floors all day on hands and knees with a brush, probably having cracked, dirty and broken fingernails as a result, including hard hands which, if you think about it, is very unflattering, does not enter into people’s minds. Cinderella had to sew her Step Mother and Step Sisters clothing by hand, which meant she’d suffered more than a few pricks from needles. Perhaps her hands often bled? Her clothes were tattered and torn, and I imagine, her hair wasn’t all that clean and definitely not styled. She had no friends, and was made to sleep in the attic.

Viewing Cinderella in this light, how do you now perceive her? Do these raw realities of a child being subject to pain, hard work, exhaustion, and perhaps eating only scraps, make you want to read the story of Cinderella, if no Prince was coming along, no fancy castle, just, broken fingernails, torn clothing and perhaps dirty hair, still have you  reading this story to your children at bedtime? Well, I imagine not. This is an example of  life’s realities, in their truest and rawest forms.

When people ask someone about how he or she lives with any sort of pain or disorder, more often than not, it is out of curiosity, not care. They want to see and hear about the hero in you. The juicy bits where you’re coping against all odds. They don’t want the raw reality of the suffering you endure. Oh God no, that would just be yucky, wouldn’t it? Ruin the entire illusion.

Another example is this; If you’ve suffered a horrific car accident, and end up in a wheelchair, paralysed from the waist down, needing a carer 24/7, including help with going to the toilet, do they really want to know these things? Your bedsores, the pus that seeps onto your bedsheets, because your carer has somehow forgotten to help you turn, the constant ghost feelings in your legs, which are driving you crazy, as well as depressing you, the poo bag you have strapped to your side, because you cannot feel the urge when it’s time for a number 2? Oh no! please no! Will they even enquire or want to hear you share your sorrow, fear and pain? 

No.

They want to know how it happened?  Who was involved? Is your car a write off? ‘I hope the accident fund pay you out well’ (silently wishing for you to give them a share of your loot), and what happened to the ‘other person, who was involved?’ did he or she die? and that’s about it. Perhaps they’ll ask about other juicy bits, like ‘were there witnesses? and ‘whose fault was it?’…..

They won’t ask you ‘where does it hurt?’ They won’t caringly enquire about bedsores in an effort to help,  and if you bring this up, they’ll quickly change the subject, trying to hide their uncomfortable feelings of disgust.  They certainly don’t want to hear about the bag strapped to your side, which if said carer doesn’t change, the content of your feces will spill onto your clothes, causing a horrific mess and smell. And God forbid this should happen when they visit!! They’ll run calling for the carer, and then make up an excuse to leave immediately.

Will they be interested in any pain, depression, sadness, you might be feeling? or the loss of loved one’s who’ve left because ‘they simply couldn’t take anymore of you crying at night’, I mean, seriously, ‘get over it’! You have a carer don’t you? You’re waited on hand and uh…foot! Shit happens man, just get a grip already!‘ they’ll yell.

If you mention wanting a manicure, I imagine the answer would be ‘why?’ they’re so expensive and you’re not going anywhere special are you?’  having lost sight that you’re still human. With feelings and a heart that beats, albeit to a different drum.

Yup. The raw realities. Who wants them? Let’s cut to the part where you miraculously heal, as spinal surgery has come a long way, and you’re the ‘lucky’ one, who was operated on successfully,  and to everyone’s delight, you have the use of your legs again! You don’t need the bag for feces strapped to your side anymore, and you certainly won’t suffer bedsores. What a beautiful ending! (but the ending began when you had the accident, something most couldn’t comprehend). oh wait, they’ll throw in a lot of ‘God is so good!‘ (um, ok, so why did I have the accident then? subject to shame and terror?’)

That’s the part that’ll have them proud to ‘be your friend’.  Your loved one will probably rush back home, especially once you’ve received a massive payout from the accident fund, citing how he/she was, at the time, suffering deep depression, and they’re so sorry they left, but missed you terribly. (oh, sorry they didn’t call, their phone was broken)….

Yep. The reality of life. If not for Prince Charming, poor old Cinderella’s story wouldn’t be in print.

 

 

War Children

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So there I was, riding on the train, minding my own business,  whenI looked up at the posters they display on trains, from the latest mobile phones, to clothing brands, when an advertisement caught my eye, and startled me; Frightened me, and If I had magic powers, a few ‘important’ people, would be sucking shit from a camels ass for food right now.

The poster of a terrified little girl, behind her, bombs exploding, she’s filthy (obviously), the town they’ve pictured her in, is all but rubble, and she’s alone, made my heart do a hundred somersaults.

child of war

Then, what really put the cherry on the top of this horrific sight, was the advertisement line from the government asking the public for money to ‘help children in war torn Countries’!? huh? Yes, read it again….

So it goes like this; The USA and the UK, launch attacks on various Countries, in the name of greed.  For oil, for poppy seeds, gold and minerals of all kinds. Knowing that these Countries are helpless to fight back, they bomb the shit out of all the cities, not caring that there are  Mothers, pregnant woman, woman giving birth, crippled people, blind people, but mostly small innocent Children, who, whilst playing outside, are hustled quickly into their homes, by terrified Mothers, hearing the jets flying overhead,  and then, in horror see their neighbours houses get blown apart by  missiles.

The noise is deafening, and the Children scream in terror. They don’t yet realise that the friends who lived next door, are blown to pieces, arms and legs scattered around the rubble, but they see that their friends’ home is no more.

They huddle into their Mothers laps, scared stiff by what is happening, not understanding any of it. The noise, the screams, the sirens, and the mayhem promises to destroy these small Children’s lives forever. Those that survive that is.

So let’s see. The Governments of the strong Countries, slaughter the smaller Countries, in the name of greed. Children are left homeless, orphaned, traumatized out of their minds, petrified, at the hands of the offending Governments leaders – and then we, the public, who are totally against any kind of war, knowing it’s all bullshit, lies, smoke and mirrors, are asked to help donate money for these broken, homeless, orphaned, destroyed Children. and of course, we do. We, unlike the unruly indifferent powers that be, care. and boy, do those dipshits bank on our consciences. I mean we didn’t sign up, we didn’t fire a gun, we didn’t knife anyone, we just got on a train to go to a job, so that we can pay for a roof over our head, and BAM! we’re hit the horror of small children in pictures, begging for ‘the killing to stop’.

‘Why?‘ I ask myself. ‘Why is it, that the USA, the UK can joyfully bomb the crap out of anyone they please, but then THEY, the offending parties, do nothing to help the innocent that they’ve destroyed? Why is there not a WAR charity, set up by the very Governments who perpetrate these attacks, to give all the necessary aid to those who they’ve left in their wake of death and destruction,  crawling with legs blown off, little ones screaming for their parents, and those in hospital, who were already fighting for their lives, long having lost the fight. The hospitals are destroyed?

But hey people I forgot!…. there’s profit to be made in war! So, as the fat shit who sits in Office, drinking a swig or two of whiskey, the most expensive kind in the World, puffing on a Havana cigar, because ‘we’ve just won a victory folks! we secured the oil supply from Iran! Problem over!;  – leaving a Country behind filled with broken, shattered, panic stricken people, who have been thrown into a hell they could never have imagined existed. For what? Greed and hatred, he/she and their cohorts, are laughing loudly with a feeling of ‘Victory’, for murdering innocent people. The sickest part of this is, that they don’t even have the courage to carry out these cowardly acts themselves. Instead, they recruit men and women, who live in poor areas, promising them a ‘good career’…(I guess they don’t mention the fact that the ‘good career’ entails killing innocent people, including Children).

Then there’s a man whose family has been killed in one of the senseless attacks on his County and he’s just lost his entire family due to some Western Country blowing them apart, – maybe they were walking too close to the new oil line that is now being installed…?He’s angry and he’s hurting. What can he do to exact revenge for the family he’s lost? He has nothing left to lose, so he gets into a van, and drives innocent Western people over, kills them, then shoots more, until he’s shot dead. Do you think he cares that he knew he’d die? Of course not! He’s got nothing left, not even a home.

The Westerners are appalled at this man’s ‘cowardly’ act, and the media are fed to announce that it’s ‘radicalists, Islamists, terrorists’…doing this. WHO is the real terrorist here?

Now that’s interesting….What was their Country doing, when their soldiers blew the innocent people, who posed no threat to anyone, apart? Who is the bigger coward? and to add insult to injury, the Western countries, who perpetrate these heinous crimes, don’t have any integrity anyway, but they also don’t even have the morality of setting up a fund PAID FOR BY THE GOVERNMENTS WHO PERPETRATE THESE CRIMES for the victims.

This doesn’t make the man who kills people in anger, right. It only sheds light on why he’s doing what he’s doing. And then there are decent citizens of these very same Western Countries, who try and do whatever they can, to stop the madness. In vain sadly.

taxes killing children

What really pisses me off and upsets me no end, is that nothing is different. It’s just abuse and cruelty out in the open. Like 100 years ago, the Colonialists slaughtered, tortured and maimed thousands of African Slaves. They got away with it, and they believed that they were doing what was ‘right’ (in their sick minds). and they used ‘the Bible’ as their excuse! These sicko’s actually went to church every Sunday, holding their pointy noses in the air, singing songs to a God they knew nothing about, but felt very pious about praying to. Then went home to beat the child slave who hadn’t picked enough cotton.

Do you believe the cruelty and violence will ever end?

Even the beautiful, innocent animals are attacked and hunted brutally, to extinction, in the name of money. The Western Man is very clever here. He uses the poor underdog to arrange the poaching of certain animals, so that he can make a fortune from Ivory if that be his choice. The underdog’s family is starving, so he sets the operation up, because the cries of his starving children, drives him to do what the White man tells him to do. For a few measly pence.

Call me a pessimist, but I believe I’m a realist. All the ‘Hollywood’ actors, who show their faces ensuring the press capture their every moment when they visit a poor Country somewhere in Africa, where people are starving, showing them handing out scraps and smiling, whilst forgetting they’re still wearing their Chanel earrings, are an insult to injury. They are nothing more than people who are ego-maniacs.

and not to go on about this, but it’s an issue close to my heart, because I come from Africa, I’ve lived with these people and I know their culture and their thinking, and ANYONE who promises them just £1.00, can make them do anything. Their over-whelming joy and gratitude for a piece of bread, brings tears to my eyes. Who the fuck are these wealthy people, who token adopt these broken Children anyway? What about the others who don’t get adopted??

madonna

Do you know, that one ‘star’ (don’t know why they’re called stars, stars are beautiful and don’t call for attention), but anyhow, there’s one ‘star’, who has actually started a campaign amoungst largely uneducated African Children, with the slogan’

Together this generation will put an end to AIDS!.

‘say whhhhaaat?? (no I’m not kidding, and these poor, poverty stricken people believe in this lie. Of course it makes the ‘star’ look ever so important and Godlike. So I guess overnight, whilst studying her lines for her next movie, she’s also undertaking research on how to end AIDS? Holy shit.

Will it end? NO.

So is there anything you can do, we can do?. NO.

UNLESS WE REFUSE TO ENGAGE IN WAR!

Aah we like to believe we’re ‘helping’, when we donate £2.00 to Unicef or some other such organisation, but we’re only doing that to make ourselves ease a conscience we shouldn’t even have to ease. We didn’t start the fire, our ancestors did, and now it’s the current, corrupt, nauseating powers that be have,  due to their vile ego driven self righteousness, greed and hatred, that keep the fires burning, ever hotter.

But I believe in the power of love.

No matter who is killing who, if every single person refused to fight, it would stop.

If every single person stopped harping on about how ‘unfair’ it was to their people 200 years ago, and instead just adopted love, and concentrated on the NOW, they’d wake up to TODAY’S reality. War doesn’t care about colour, age, creed. It’s now also blamed on Religion, like it has been for eons, but that’s just a smoke screen for the real reason.

If every single person, when seeing an elderly lady or gentleman waiting to cross the street, walked up to her and helped her or him.

If every single person, who heard their neighbours baby crying all night, took the trouble to knock on their door and check it out, for the sake of the child, who could be being abused.

If every single person, stopped worrying about how badly WE have it, and rather showered love on others, and held gratitude for what we do have, then, like one candle in the dark, a million can be lit.

It’s simple.

DO NOT ENGAGE IN ANY WAR FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER! I

It’s a lie that’s been sold to people who feel they should ‘protect’ their Countries, when really, the real threat lies within their own Countries Borders. sitting in plush offices drinking expensive whiskey, puffing on Havana cigars, while telling rude jokes.

 

 

 

 

 

Here comes the Hurricane

sheep

 

OK, so I don’t want to sound uncaring and all, but….

WHY is it, that when America, or the U.K. are hit with some kind of natural disaster, it’s headline news, millions come together to give money, aid, rescue, post on Facebook, make videos of the horror and put it on twitter and ad nauseum, raise hundreds of thousands of Dollars, when all over the world, there is mass devastation everywhere? Why don’t we get to hear and see about that or them? Don’t these other people, these other Countries, who are in such a dreadful way, who are not American or European have any worth?

How is it acceptable for America to blow up children and their Mothers in Syria, or Afghanistan, or anywhere else they decide to kill, which causes worse destruction than any hurricane has, kill more people than any hurricane has, and yet those stories are ignored?

Are we to actually believe that it’s perfectly acceptable to wage war purposefully on a Country, like a hurricane wages war on a Country, only, the hurricane is doing the hurricane thing, it’s not personal, but the war being waged, is purposefully thought out and then executed against innocent people? Blowing up someone’s home with people inside it, is no different to the hurricane blowing someones house apart in terms of damage. The real horror, is that, where the execution of a home has been done by man, in the name of greed and fear, the devastation of a hurricane is an act of nature. No one purposely created a hurricane to destroy parts of America, like America purposefully creates wars to destroy parts of other Countries.

How is this acceptable??

Why do we, as sheeple, just accept this? Why are we so conditioned and almost mind controlled, into making a huge fuss about what the hurricanes are doing, but ignore the horror happening everywhere else? How?? Why??

As devastating as the hurricanes are right now, and it is devastating, no one needs to suffer that fear, or loss of life, it’s AS devastating to the citizens of a Country that is being attacked, with the same damage done to them, but purposefully.

Some American and British soldiers have been filmed actually laughing as they shoot innocent people on the ground, of the Country of their choice to pick on. So should we, who are not affected by the hurricanes, go into deep mourning? Should we rally around and give a shit?

No! Not until the rest of this world, gives a shit about what is happening in other Countries, and rallies around getting food supplies and medical care to the injured, and rebuilding bombed homes, or, better still, when the West stops waging war on everyone, perhaps then, it would be fair to care about what any natural disaster is doing in America or in Britain.

There have been huge fires ravaging Portugal this year. Did anyone give a shit? people were killed, lost their homes, their pets their kids, did anyone put it on Fb, rally around, raise funds, put it on twitter, open a funding page?  Not that I saw.

So let the machines rage on….in whatever form they take.  

May the dead all over the World, affected by war, famine, disease, or natural disasters rest in Peace.

 

Abuse

When we talk about abuse, there are many various ways people see abuse, or feel about abuse.

Some people feel that if the shop owner shouts at them for reading a magazine without paying for it, that is abuse.

Other people feel that if their Spouse comes home and moans about the dinner, that is abuse.

And yet another person who’s partner slaps them around the face when he or she is angry, feels that is abuse.

Can we call the above actions abusive?

Yes of course we can. But as adults, we’re able to process what is being hurled at us, and deal with it appropriately.

A child however, when neglected; or sexually abused; physically abused; mentally abused or emotionally abused;  doesn’t see or know that they’re being abused. They normally internalize the horrific abuse they are suffering, and blame themselves for doing something ‘wrong’.

They try hard to find out what they’re doing wrong, because in their innocent minds, they believe that they must be doing something wrong to be so hurt in so many ways all the time, or frequently, mostly by people who are supposed to love them. People they trust and look up to. So something like the following happens;

‘I must be quieter, if I don’t talk or laugh then I’m a good girl/boy , then they’ll love me’….so the child loses his or her voice.

‘If I hide away all day, in the bushes, or in the park, then they won’t see me and I’ll be safe for a while and I won’t make them angry’….so the child becomes invisible. Losing Self at the same time.

‘If I make tea all day and cook dinner, even though the stove is a bit high up for me, they’ll see what a good hard working boy/girl I am, and then they’ll love me’….so the child becomes a slave in his or her home..growing up to believe that to be loved is to work as hard as one can no matter what the work is.

There are a gazillion examples of how small children who are being abused think and feel, but always, always they try their best to ‘fix’ it. Never does the abused child believe that their parents, siblings, Uncles, Aunts or anyone else that they love, does these things to them, because they’re HORRIBLE, EVIL people who should be shot.

Never does the abused child seek help, because he or she believes they’re naughty and deserve the punishment. It doesn’t occur to an innocent child, that they can seek help; and what is being done to them, is evil and deeply despicable in it’s worst form.

One of the WORST outcomes of childhood abuse, (apart from death), is the child consenting to the abuse, believing that is love.  The fact that whatever the abuse is, is hurting them and causing massive damage and harm to them physically, emotionally and mentally, does not enter their minds. They learn to accept it, believing that this is what love is…..so the child grows up moving from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, never able to settle down with a healthy relationship, because they’ve grown up with abuse. The abused child – now adult, recognises abuse as love. If they’re not being abused, they may feel unloved, because actual love, the reality of love, is foreign to them. Like a language they don’t understand.

The other HORROR that comes from such abuse in a small child’s life, is mental illness. Not only are they scarred from years of abuse in one form or another or many at the same time, but they’re then stuck with a broken brain, that won’t function normally, suffer deep depressions, and very often end up killing themselves and/or self harming. Not due to the abuse strangely enough, but due to the resultant mental illness the abuse has caused.

This reality brought me to thinking about what is happening to the Children stuck in war zones around the World. Starving Children, who get slapped or punched if they don’t stop crying from hunger, or ignored, or put out to prostitution from as young as 8 years old.

Children lying next to their dead Mother’s or Father’s, with blood gushing out their Parent’s head, desperately trying to wake their Mother or Father up. Not understanding what is going on, and terrified.

Children who are so traumatised at the sight of their entire families being blown up, they too, lose their voices, and if they do ever manage to speak again,  they usually stutter or suffer other speech impediments….and definitely suffer a mental illness.

I won’t go on. It’s way too distressing, but to say that if you are a victim of Child abuse in any form or fashion, whether you suffer a mental illness because of it or not. Take your power back! Tell yourself it never was your fault. Forgive yourself. Sounds crazy, but you carry guilt only due to the fact that you could never process what was happening to you in the right way, so forgive yourself.

I always advise people who write to me as I’m a mental health advocate; to write it all down. Be brave. Be courageous. Write everything you endured down and then read it. Read it again. Accept it, because you cannot change it. Then burn the paper you’ve written it on. Every time a memory crops up, immediately drop it. Don’t dwell on it.

The past is over. It no longer exists. You cannot bring one moment of the past into your present. Good or bad. So let it go. Drop it. Everytime a thought about whomever it was that hurt you comes into your head, drop the thought immediately.

No matter how bitter, broken, hurt, angry, disappointed, or wishful we are about a horrendous Childhood;  won’t change it, or make it better. Nothing will candy coat the sickening truth. So acceptance (not forgiving or writing to that person, or even thinking of them) is necessary, for healing.

Not accepting what or who they are, but accepting that the past happened. It’s done. No amount of therapy will make it pretty.

Basically, you can’t unfuck a fuck, but you can choose to drop it.

Past and future are in the mind only — I am now.

– Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj